(fancy fresh)

blur of photos / re-posts I fancy + occasional fresh personal revelations

Must Love Tribe

I was watching an interview on Oprah Prime and it was with Pharrell and he was talking about how his deal breaker with girls used to be whether or not they loved A Tribe Called Quest. So freaking awesome, and made me love him even more cuz I grew up listening to stuff like that. As I sit in a Barnes and Noble trying to study, I find myself just wanting to reminisce and go on my Spotify and listen to ATCQ and think about how I got the “Jazz” and I could “Find a Way”. I think I will enforce a similar rule for my future boo (haha). I think that is why I am so drawn to norcal, because there are so many oldschool hip-hop Filipino (Daly City) boys (not necessarily partial, cuz I love fly guys of all colors anyways) up there who are hardcore about stuff like that. Kinda hot.

I feel a sense of stagnation whenever I am home here in socal. Even Central California, as beautiful as it is, and the bonus of a close friends and family, but I don’t think it feels completely right. When I am in Nor-Cal, and it doesn’t have to be SF, I just feel like my heart swells and it just feels, right. Even just the idea of other places makes my heart swell with hope. I think the man I belong with is not here, that is why my heart is unmoved. I think he is in Nor-Cal (or a place like it), and that is why my heart is so excited and happy whenever I am up there, cuz maybe My Heart knows I am physically closer to theee one I could just very well love. Could be, couldn’t be, just sounding off some silly fantastical thoughts from my heart/mind. But all I know is I cannot wait to meet him one day. It’ll be freaking amazing.

It’s actually 3 am now. Time to sleep and stop being delirious. Song in my head: gust of wind by Pharrell
— 5 days ago with 1 note
#atcq  #pharrell  #love  #hopeful  #daydream 
Getting in my own way

Ugh, I just wanna take a nap.

— 1 month ago
Trying to Grow.

(NOTE: This song doesn’t really have anything to do with this blog post, I just think it would be a nice backdrop to read to. And also I just really really like this song ;))

I have been home for less than a month and its just been so crazy. One issue after another just keep popping up, and I have been swatting away at them like ping pong balls. I have a feeling they wont go away either. But, alas, I am good with it. I am glad I have taken this hiatus for awhile just to think, heal and work on things that need to be done. I don’t believe God will let me go on to the next step without fixing my foundation first. It has been some hard, hard, hard lessons that God has given me to help improve. Sometimes it hurts, stings, makes me cry, and makes my heart oh-so sore… Ouch! But in the end I know when I work on myself like this, and face hard truths, it causes me to be a better, more emotionally fit person. So right now it really freaking sucks, but it will be worth it. Hopefully I will find the solutions to move on and be worthy enough for my next, higher level in life. New level, new devil they say. This is all training to be strong enough to deal with harder problems that may come in the future. Ugh, indeed.

Through all this, I am still excited for life. I am excited for my future possibilities and for the dreams I haven’t even dreamt yet. I am hopeful for; and declare an abundant and fulfilling life that captures the essence of who I am. I expect that one day life will reveal a time where I will have to be courageous, and do out-of-the-box things, in order to have outrageously good results. I don’t think it will  be easy at all, there will be opposition and tough times (Obviously, but I have to remind myself of this or else I will forget and breakdown when it happens). But I have to Trust that God will help me through it, and that there is a reason for everything. And as much as I love lounging around, I just need to do the work (Work Work Work Work Workin’ on my ish like Iggy Azalea says lol).  Mustn’t forget that work sows and waters the seeds and accelerates results. Time to clock in, tune all the negativity out, and keep moving forward.

— 1 month ago with 2 notes
I Love God, and loathe facebook

image

So last night I could not sleep because I tried to make myself a double brewed iced coffee. That ended up being far to strong and kept me up way past 2 am even though I drank that coffee at around 9am-10am that morning. What do you do when you are up late and can’t sleep? Facebook. Facebook all night with those crazy gossip links and snarky opinion pieces can make one go crazy. My brain currently still feels like mush. Staring at my tiny iPhone screen all night in the dark can get to you. I forgot the negative undertones some things can be on facebook, especially on gossip blogs, etc. I unsubscribed to them in the end. I don’t think I can deal with that useless snark right now, I am already pretty snarky on my own lol. So now its the next day and I feel slightly drowsy and slightly angry at everyone on facebook for being so dang entertaining and more than slightly disappointed in myself for giving in to the mess of it all. I really really really wanted to deactivate, and tried a few times…but my Spotify is connected to it and needs it in order to access….. WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?! I cannot live without my Spotify at the moment, so this is the ultimate sabotage. I need to call Spotify or something, because this is ridiculous.

image

( 2 timothy 1:7 little thing message I painted for fun and to remind me to be fearless.)

I Love God, because this morning I was praying and thinking about listening to a Joyce Meyer podcast. I have been listening to her podcasts for a long time, and in my mind I was thinking that I wanted to listen to the one where she talks about being out-casted from her church when she decided to start her ministry and how everyone ridiculed her. Well, I forgot about it and went downstairs to eat breakfast. I was flipping through the channels with my mom, and what comes on, on the Christian channel? The EXACT message I wanted to listen to is rebroadcast. God is so good, and in those sweet little things He does for me, I know He loves me. And it makes me want to do more :)
— 1 month ago with 1 note
girlsdressingcuteforwork:

Chriss #gdcfw

yeah freakin right I wanna wear this to work!

girlsdressingcuteforwork:

Chriss #gdcfw

yeah freakin right I wanna wear this to work!

— 2 months ago with 139 notes
vogue:

The world lost Maya Angelou today.In memoriam: 1928–2014Photograph by Taylor Jewell

vogue:

The world lost Maya Angelou today.

In memoriam: 1928–2014

Photograph by Taylor Jewell

— 2 months ago with 13635 notes
On Romance from a High Reactive

I am so scared to fall in love because the thought of it makes me cry. Literally while I watch P and P I cry I just the thought of them seeing each other and being instantly attracted. I cry about the thoughts Darcy may have been having because he was conflicted with his love for Lizzie. I cry at the idea of feeling that much because I know when I fall in love, I will fall in love hard. Just the idea of seeing him will make me want to cry. When he tells me he loves me I will cry, and not just a tear or two, I will ugly girl cry with snot coming out of my nose because I will be so happy and grateful. If you tell these things to some people, they would judge you for thinking too much and tell you to get over it. But this is the fabric of who I am, I remember thinking about the details of every little thing since I was a child. 

Being around couples has become painful. When I hear my friends giggle and kiss and talk about how nice it is for them to have someone to go to unconditionally, well it’s hard not to get a little jealous.  And then I feel worse for feeling jealous because it is not “the right thing to do”. I end of feeling like a single, guilt ridden bad person. Though I am in a room with say 4 other people, I feel more and more by myself. The loneliness is almost palpable and I can hardly hear my own thoughts. The idea that I haven’t had that special intimacy for awhile makes me feel like a dried up old cobweb in the corner, collecting dust. Sure, God will send me my perfect guy when the time comes, and when I am emotionally fit enough to accept him. I was living okay with being single for a good while now and had even been enjoying it. So when this tidal wave of loneliness hit me recently, it totally caught me by surprise. I guess that emotion was buried deep for years. But right now the realty is I am alone
On top of that are all the normal pains of a transitional life. I don’t take pills for anxiety anymore so each emotion feels so…raw.  I end up being irrational and crying anytime and anywhere over these everyday pains that have become so hard to feel fully. Before I had a nice medicinal bubble wrap to keep my irrational feelings insulated and safe from going up to the surface and rearing it’s ugly head. Now I have these crazy mood swings, and then I feel guilty for feeling how I feel because I am not skilled at forgetting or letting things go. It all happens so fast I cannot catch myself sometimes. I get mad at myself for this and just wish I could move on and this inner battle leaves me with wounds on my heart and mind and they end up physically aching for days at a time even after full doses of excedrin. 
I wish I was strong enough right now to be always happy around other happy people. Everything is so overwhelming sometimes that I can noblonger fake it. I literally have to pray through ordinary moments just to be a civil person, because I know I have a snappy temper  and can get easily annoyed when my patience and emotional strength runs thin.  I didn’t have to worry about this much on the medication. It was so easy for me to just let things go. But without it it’s like I can feel things physically clinging to my heart: anger, bitterness, things I found stupid that someone did. It’s so heavy it’s just so much junk. I am getting so weary of this and it’s only the first true couple weeks without my chems. 
I know things will get better. But damn these growing pains just hurt. I need some peace and quiet just to get a wrangle on my mind,plus get things done in life.  If I put things off then i get mad at myself again for procrastinating and not putting my foot down when I knew in my heart that I should have. 
* I feel like I got a little insecure while writing this post and started writing too many details. I’m feeling a little insecure now because I think I decided to start showing people this post, in the midst of writing this. But now I don’t know. I just want to be alone and not worry about anyone, and that is hard for me so I end up blowing up about it. Ugh I’m tired of thinking now I’m gonna watch a movie or sleep. 
**(I wrote this over a week ago. A friend told me I should just post it, and would probably make me feel better. So, here I go)
— 2 months ago
thevsangelz:

Josephine at Zac Posen Fall 2014

Jadore black

thevsangelz:

Josephine at Zac Posen Fall 2014

Jadore black

— 5 months ago with 182 notes
annaemmakendrickwatson:

Anna Kendrick attends the Jenny Packham Fall 2014 show during New York Fashion Week (Feb 11)

annaemmakendrickwatson:

Anna Kendrick attends the Jenny Packham Fall 2014 show during New York Fashion Week (Feb 11)

— 5 months ago with 110 notes
stylebythemodels:

HANDS DOWN most stylish family. 

I cant even.

stylebythemodels:

HANDS DOWN most stylish family. 

I cant even.

— 5 months ago with 209 notes

The cutest NYFW attendee.

The cutest NYFW attendee.

(Source: ohpulentdreams)

— 5 months ago with 1000 notes
stylebythemodels:

Beckhams part II

Royal fam of Fashion!

stylebythemodels:

Beckhams part II

Royal fam of Fashion!

— 5 months ago with 102186 notes
February 16th, 2014- Somewhere in ME

I miss smoggy neon pink skies-
sunglassed eyes,
and well-dressed guys.

I miss the cloudless bright blue
and other indescribable hues
of sun-drenched landscapes-
concrete and manicured grass.
while Palm Trees linger in the air
without a care.

I miss unintentional tans
from driving around town
on ultraviolet lit freeways
no snow to slow you down.
The other cars filled
with people like you
basking in Sunshine
(no winter blues)
with an unintentional tan on their face-
I never thought I would miss this place.

— 5 months ago with 2 notes